Envy - n. A feeling of discontent or resentful longing caused by someone else's possessions, qualities or luck. v. desire to have a quality, possession or other attribute belonging to someone else: I envy her house, car, hair, personality, etc.
I have a disease. It effects me most days sometimes lasting for seconds, sometimes lasting for minutes and sometimes lasting for days. Its symptoms include: knots in my stomach, feelings of depression, and a strong desire for more.
When I log onto Facebook to see what is going on around the world, and I get to glimpse into the lives of those on my friend list. There are people on my list who have known me for years and some I have yet to meet in person. There are people on five continents and some who live in my hometown. There are people advanced degrees and some still in high school. There are mothers of many and some who long for the day they can announce their pregnancy.
Don't get me wrong. I love rejoicing with the news of a new pregnancy, new house, or new relationship. I experience sorrow when I see those I know experiencing a difficult time. I realize that Facebook is like a newsflash of what is happening to those I care about and because of that I haven't stopped using it despite my disease.
I become envious of cool and exciting new jobs. I become envious of big, new, beautifully decorated houses. I become envious and exotic vacations. I become envious of the adventures my missionary get friends experience. I am envious of those with 3,000 friends and counting. My vision goes green and I wonder what I could have done differently to get these things.
What would my life be like if I hadn't wasted my early twenties? What would life be like if my parents had encouraged me to find my own identity and guided me towards hobbies that developed my natural talents? What would life be like if I.........
My problem with facebook is that it not only leads me into a downward spiral of envy for things I do not really want, but it causes me to second guess some major life decisions. It can change my feelings of contentment into feelings of despair in one click.
What is the cure for this disease called facebook envy? It is reality. It is counting the blessing that I have. It is remembering that I usually only post positive experiences. It is knowing that all my facebook friends have no idea that I am exhausted because the toddler I posted pictures of has been up since 4:00 a.m. throwing a blood curling tantrum for cookies I don't have. It is knowing that the exciting new job my friend has would drive me mad. It is knowing that my missionary friends will have experiences I will only get to see in pictures, but I have a 24 hour Starbucks less than a mile from my house. It is realizing that others are experiencing the same feelings I am. Right now I am living the life I imagined in September 2002 while eating lunch at my computer during my first month of teaching. The only difference between fantasy and reality is that I am in Texas and not Boise. I am a stay at home mommy with a loving husband doing what I love; going to school. Suddenly, life seems pretty good.
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